Please help me and tell my why i feel this way about my parents?

ok so i am starting to hate my mum and dad. I am 18. Basically i have waitd 1.5years to go to uni. I can't because we dont have money to send me. I cant even do a simple course because we dont have money. My father doesn't work and relies on our farm/picnic spot to make our ends meet...which my mother works at just to get some money. I did poorly at school so i hate myself for that. I am not allowed clubbing which really sucks and i can't even get a guy. My dad managed to have another woman and get a child from her. This kills me inside. My father always yells at me and abuses me...says things like b***h. Im told he loves me to bits. But that surely doesnt seem like it. All my friends have deserted me since they have gone of to uni. When they come bck for holidays they dont meet up. I can't work because i live far from the city in kenya. I live at the countryside. I sometimes think of suicide but have no guts to do it. In my religion they say if you dont like your parents then you are considered evil. Whats wrong with me? Why do i feel like this? I sometimes try to hurt my self my scratching my arm when i am angry. Whats wrong with me? Will i ever see light at the end of the tunnel? I really wish i could have stable relationships with everybody and be liked.